give us a 10 for Vanya

joasakura:

“You know, I’ve always wondered what it was like to be you, Ivan Ivanovich. The old man’s favourite.” Anatoly shouted from below. For a moment, the switch to conversational Russian caused Vanya’s brain to grind gears. He’d been speaking English for so long, it took him a second to reorient. “I mean, look at you. You’re too stupid to even be scared.”

“Yeah, you see, everyone thinks I’m stupid, Tolyan. And I’m usually ok with that.” Vanya shouted back, slipping from his hiding spot. He could see Vasily’s right hand man and his former friend plus six heads of muscle.  The gun only had three bullets, and Anatoly had clipped a chunk out of him, blood seeping through the worn flannel of his shirt. “But I’ll be real with  you. This is terrifying. I’m scared to death.”

He lobbed a piece of pipe across the catwalks, and a few of Anatoly’s men scrambled towards the clatter as he dropped onto the concrete floor and choked out the one who lingered furthest behind.

“Vanya, you’re not some ex-FSB superhero spy. You’re a leg breaker with a nice ass and a prison record as long as my fucking arm who got in over his head.” Anatoly shouted up to where Vanya had been as two shots rang out behind him, the other men who’d stayed with him dropping to the floor like bags of wet flour. “You’re not getting out of this.”

“I ever tell you about my friend Piotr? The guy who’s uncle made us eat the bear paw. I’m sure I did. Piotr was great.” Vanya said genially, levelling the gun at Anatoly as the other man wheeled around. “Piotr said the only difference between prison and the army is that one of them makes you find  your own guns. I trust his opinion, he was pretty experienced with both.”

Anatoly opened his mouth and Vanya shook his head, seeing the other three starting to run back across the warehouse. “No, shhh. Now, I’m not as smart as you, and I’m definitely not as smart as Ianto. But I’m smart enough to know what’ll happen when I pull this trigger.”

“Vasily will kill you for this, you stubby ginger fuck.”

“Vasily was already gonna kill me, he can’t kill me any more than that, asshole. But Ianto’s gone with all your stuff, and I get to watch you die, so, overall it’s a pretty good day for me.” Vanya grinned.

I. Fucking. Love. Vanya. Killing. People.

prime numbers!

You people do realize I was an English major, right?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

That depends entirely on where I am. At home, a 1. Outside, a 5.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

Cherry, or Japanese maple.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

My director’s shirt from Anime Weekend Atlanta.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

23. It was the age I moved to Japan. 😀

13. Your worst enemy?

For now, my bad health.

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

No one, really. That’s super messy!

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

We used to do this shit as kids, and my little brother was best because he’d clean my room. XD

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Drains of any and all kinds.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

I like the classics. I go for “fuck!” and “sonofabitch!” most often.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

There are a few, but probably having cancer.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Of course! It rarely snows enough down here, but when I lived in Alabama, we had a week of good snow and I built a snowman army.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

I’m lactose intolerant, but cookies and cream if I could!

43. Do you have any scars?

Lots and lots! Some from surgery, and a few memorable ones when I thought I could ride a skateboard.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

“Are you content?”

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I had a bowl cut in the early 90′s. It was awful.

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

Hahahaha, no never. It always makes me too hopeful!

All numbers divisible by three. (Also, dinner tonight?)

(I already have plans tonight D: But let’s meet up soon, okay?! I miss you!)

3. The person you would never want to meet?

My birth parents. I feel like it would really fuck me up.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

“Gosh, my hair’s a freaking mess!”

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark. I have chronic migraines, so I prefer the dark.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

One of my coworkers. 😀

15. Do you like someone?

I like lots of people! But if we’re talking romantically, yes. There’s a couple people.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Most male senators trying to make laws to hurt LGBTQ+ people, and hurt women’s bodies and their right to choose.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

When I was a kid, I looked like Eddie Furlong, so I’d probably look like him. Honestly, I’d probably go downtown and walk around like I usually do to see how little I’d get catcalled. I’d be interested to see.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Hard salami, sharp cheddar, lettuce, tomato, deli mustard, mayo, and maybe an avocado on french bread.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I don’t remember the brand, but there was a jasmine shochu I drank at a bar in Japan that I could drink forever.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My baby blanket. It’s a thing.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My dad.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Yes, several times for several reasons. Illness, surgery, mental issues, all kinds of stuff! 

39. What type of music do you like?

All kinds. Literally. There isn’t a genre I don’t have at least one or two artists I love in.

42. What football team do you support?

The Atlanta Falcons, and GA Tech.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Mental illness. I’ve been suffering from OCD, anxiety, and depression since I was a child, but I often feel like my whole life would be so much less exhausting even on good days without it.

48. Do you hold grudges?

Not at all. I’m too tired for that. 😀

51. Are you a good liar?

I’m an excellent liar, though I rarely do it. I don’t see the point or the need.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Yes, all the time!

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

I do. not. draw. At all. Though, I drew some clouds on a picture collaboration with my daughter.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Absolutely! The universe is far too vast to think we’re the only ones out there.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

That’s actually a tough question! Though I think I’d have to say dragons because they didn’t exist, so they can spark the imagination much more! 😀

ASK ME AN UNUSUAL QUESTION!

1 and 59 :D

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

This is a really interesting question, because yes, I do. Sometimes, very acutely, I’ll be standing in the empty hallway at work, or at home alone and go, “am I really the only one?” It’s always a strange feeling, but it does happen to me. Usually when I have those moments of noticing people and suddenly feeling very much how that other person has no clue what I’m thinking or feeling, that only I can.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I’m pretty sure you know I sing just about everywhere! 😀 I don’t really sing in the shower, though. I used to, but I know my neighbors can hear through the exhaust vent, so I’m quiet. One of my OCD rituals is that I have to touch all the little spray hole thingies on the showerhead. I also always check the drain, but that’s because of my irrational fear of drains and things that might come out of them.

ASK ME SOME UNUSUAL QUESTIONS!

HALLOWEEN PROMPTS YOU SAY? How about something to do with those pumpkin trebuchet or pumpkin launcher contests?

joasakura:

(belated belated belated)

It was a blustery fall morning as Vanya carefully backed the rented flatbed into their slot in the muddy field.

Ianto had made the mistake of asking where he’d learned when Vanya clearly didn’t have an american CDL.

“I stole truck full of motorcycles when I was sixteen. Don’t tell your students I’m trying to be good role model.” He laughed and Ianto had immediately wondered why he’d even been momentarily surprised.

“Doctor Shepard, is it true that the cossacks invented punkin chunkin as a method of warfare in the fourteenth century?” Ramona asked as she unloaded pumpkins with her classmates. Ianto liked her – she generally displayed better critical thinking skills than the rest of her current crop of classmates.

“No Ramona. And please don’t listen to my husband in matters of Russian history. He lies like a cheap rug.”

“I HEAR THAT, I AM VERY EXPENSIVE RUG TO BE LYING!” Vanya shouted from the cab.

“Uh-huh. So is it true, then, that you were on the run from the mob and got caught before you could make a trebuchet to use against them, and this whole thing is just to get the university to pay for your broken dreams?” Ramona asked blandly.

“Tenure has it’s privileges.” is all that Ianto would say.

Oh God this is amazing. And all true.