Title: In Sickness and in Health Link: Here on Ao3 (public) Square Filled: Fingering Ship: Castiel/Dean Winchester Rating: E Tags: bodyguard AU, major character injury, fingering Summary: Dean and Castiel have to find a way to redefine their relationship after a terrible accident. Word Count: 2,645 Written/Created for:@spnkinkbingo
This is a continuation of my bodyguard AU from this EW photoshoot:
It’s 37 F here in Atlanta, where it has no business being 37 F in October. Very appropriately, I heard my neighbor go out to smoke and quoth he, “SHUH-SHUH-SHIT! WHERE’S MY WINTER COAT! I’M FROM NEW ORLEANS I DON’T HAVE A WINTER COAT!”
My splurge after my raise. I’m so happy I can barely even stand it.
I’ve seen five different authors take down, or prepare to take down, their posted works on Ao3 this week. At the same time, I’ve seen several people wishing there was more new content to read. I’ve also seen countless posts by authors begging for people to leave comments and kudos.
People tell me I am a big name fan in my chosen fandom. I don’t quite get that but for the purposes of this post, let’s roll with it. On my latest one shot, less than 18% of the people who read it bothered to hit the kudos button. Sure, okay, maybe that one sort of sucked. Let’s look at the one shot posted before that – less than 16% left kudos. Before that – 10%, and then 16%. I’m not even going to get into the comments. Let’s just say the numbers drop a lot. I’m just looking at one shots here so we don’t have to worry about multiple hits from multiple chapters, people reading previous chapters over, etc. And if I am a BNF, that means other people are getting significantly less kudos and comments.
Fandom is withering away because it feels like people don’t care about the works that are posted. Why should I go to the trouble of posting my stories if no one reads them, and of the people who do read them, less than a fifth like them? Even if you are not a huge fan of the story, if it kept your attention long enough for you to get to the bottom, go ahead and mash that kudos button. It’s a drop of encouragement in a big desert.
TL;DR: Passively devouring content is killing fandom.
Reblogging again
So much this
You know, kudos and comments are much beloved by all esp. yrs truly, but I have to say: I’ve been posting fic for 20 years, and I have never in my entire life had a story stay above a 1:9 kudos to hits ratio (or comments to hits, back when kudo wasn’t an option). Usually they don’t stay above 1:10, once they’ve been around for a few weeks.
I also have a working background in online marketing. In social media 1:10 is what you would call a solid engagement score, when people actually care about your product (as opposed to “liking” your Facebook page so they could join a contest or whatever). If BNFs are getting 1:5 – and I do sometimes see it – that is sky-high engagement. Take any celebrity; take Harry Styles, who has just under 30M followers and doesn’t tweet all that often. He regularly gets 3-400K likes, 1-200K retweets. I’ve seen him get up to just under 1M likes on a tweet. That’s a 1:30 engagement ratio, for Harry Styles, and though some of you guys enjoy my fics and have said so, I don’t think you have as lasting a relationship with my stories as Harry Styles’s fans do with him. XD;
Again, this is not to say we, as readers, should all go home and not bother to kudo or comment or engage with fic writers. That definitely is a recipe for discouraging what you want to see in future. But this is not the first post I’ve seen that suggests a 20% kudo ratio is the equivalent of yelling into the void, and I’m worried that we as writers are discouraging ourselves because our expectations are out of whack.
I think about this a lot, because it’s important to know what a realistic goal to expect from an audience is, even though I admit it definitely is kind of depressing when you look at the numbers. I was doing reading on what sort of money you can expect to make from a successful webcomic, and the general rule of thumb seems to be that if your merchandising is meshing well with your audience, about 1% will give you merch. I imagine ‘subscribe to patreon’ also falls in this general range.
Stuff that is ONLY available for dollars are obviously going to have a different way of measuring this, but when it comes to ‘If people can consume something without engaging back in any fashion (hitting a like button, buying something, leaving a comment)’ the vast majority will.
And as a creator that is frustrating but as a consumer it’s pretty easy to see how it happens. I have gotten steadily worse at even liking posts, much less leaving comments on ones I enjoy, since I started using tumblr. It’s very difficult to engage consistently. I always kudo on any fanfic I read and comment on the vast majority, but then again I don’t read a lot of fanfic, if you are someone who browses AO3 constantly/regularly for months or years, I could see how it’s easy to stop engaging. I don’t remember to like every YT video or tumblr fanart I see, much less comment on them.
When we are constantly consuming free content it’s hard to remember to engage with it or what that engagement means to the creators. And lol, honestly that sucks. Certainly as consumers we should be better about it. But also like, as a creator be kinder to yourself by setting a realistic bar of what you can achieve.
And IMO, if numbers matter to you (kudos, comments, etc) be honest about the fact that you CAN improve those things by marketing yourself better. The ‘I just produced my art and put it out there and got insanely popular because it was just so brilliant’ is less than a one a million chance. Lots of amazing content is overlooked every day because there is a lot of good content and a metric fuckton of mediocre to bad content. You can only SORT of judge the quality of your work based on the audience it generates, but if what you WANT is an audience there is way, way, WAY more you can be doing than simply producing whatever you immediately feel like. Marketing yourself is a skill and if you want the benefits of it you have to practice it.
I have a professional background in internet marketing as my day job and a moderate hobby business. My definition for “moderate” is “it pays for itself, keeps me in product, and occasionally buys groceries.”
In the day job, which is for an extremely large global company, there are entire teams of people whose entire purpose of employment is to ensure a 3% conversion rate. That’s it. That is for a Fortune 100 company: the success metric is for 3% of all visitors to a marketing web site to click the “send me more info” link.
My moderate business that pays for itself has a 0.94% conversion rate of views to orders. Less than 1%, and it’s still worth its time – and this is without me bothering to do any marketing beyond instagram and tumblr posts with new product.
I know it feels like no one is paying attention to you and you’re wasting your time if you don’t get everyone clicking kudos or commenting but I promise, I PROMISE, you are doing fantastically, amazingly well with your 10% rate. You probably aren’t going to go viral AND THAT’S FINE. You’re only hurting yourself if you’re expecting a greater return – don’t call yourself a failure, because you’re NOT. You’re just looking at it the wrong way. I promise, you’re lovely just the way you are.
This entire thing is fascinating to me. Truth is, I don’t even look at the ratio of hits to kudos on my fics. That number’s kinda meaningless to me, because as a reader, I’ve probably been responsible for AT LEAST dozens of hits on each of my favorite fics – for which AO3 only allowed me to leave a single kudos.
I also open fics on multiple devices to read/reread them. I open tabs for fics I intend to look at later and then revisit them (often multiple times) before I get a chance to actually sit down and read them. These things add up.
Hits without equivalent kudos don’t mean people aren’t enjoying a fic. It might be the exact opposite. It might mean you have people who love your fic so much they’ve read it ten times this month – on their laptops, phones, tablets, etc…and ten times the month before.
Kudos and comments mean A LOT. I know this as a writer who gets overwhelmed and excited by every single new comment, bookmark with notes, tumblr tag, and kudos email. But fixating too much on the numbers is a frustrating and futile process. I know it’s hard to not get caught up in that, but it really shouldn’t be something that you let discourage you from continuing to share your work.
Good thoughts about comments and kudos
I’ve mentioned this before, but this is not a new phenomenon. Back in the days when we posted fics on various fandom-specific archives and got our comments through email, we were also “thirsting” for comments. So much so that I actually created the “Church of Fanfic Appreciation” on the Farscape Bulletin Board in an attempt to get people to comment more. (And wow, that was almost twenty years ago. Give me a moment to feel old here.)
I think the big difference now isn’t that people are aching for more comments than they were back then. I think it’s that they’re aching for conversation. Back in the day, I went on bulletin boards and joined email groups, and we used to discuss favorite fics that way and have real conversations about what we liked to read. Then LJ came along and you could form whole communities devoted to different types of fics, and while the comments you received were still few and far between, they could lead to real conversations, which could in turn lead to “comment fics,” in a creative exchange that platforms like Tumblr just don’t allow.
So I think this is what’s killing fandom: the loss of our ability to form online groups and have conversations. This is what people want and what the current configuration of fandom is leaving them hungry for.
Yes, I think this is true. I’m not sitting here, waiting for praise. I want a conversation, I want to talk about everything, canon, fanon, just everything we sometimes have over pictures but with fanfic.
Yeah, Tumblr makes that really hard. Tags aren’t the same as communities, where people can cluster together the way they did on LJ. I keep meaning to sit down and figure out a way around this, but I haven’t had the time.
Destiel AU: Dean Winchester leaves Lawrence on a whim to go to visit his childhood best friend, Castiel Novak, at Stanford. He breaks in, intending to make this a surprise visit. but things don’t quite go as planned when Castiel initially mistakes him for an intruder. [read the ficlet on ao3]
Dean
didn’t know what possessed him to get in the Impala and drive across the
country. Or maybe he did, but he was too much of a chickenshit to admit it. It
certainly hadn’t been an easy trip. Stanford was thousands of miles away from
Lawrence. Twenty-six hours of drive-time if you followed the speed limit (which
he didn’t). So like it or not, ending up five states away at his best friend’s
doorstep at 1am was not something he could brush off as an accident, and that
scared him.
It scared him that Cas might look at his
presence and know exactly what Dean was scared to say.
It
was a good thing he had a lot of practice ignoring his own feelings, because if
he’d really let himself appreciate the gravity of what he was doing, he
probably wouldn’t have been able to get out of the car. He made his way to the
front door, double checking the address on his phone. He could feel his heart
rate speeding up in anxious anticipation. He couldn’t believe it had been
months since they’d seen each other without the aid of computer screens.
Thinking about the last
time he’d seen Cas wasn’t really something he liked to do. He knew he had no
one but himself to blame for that day Cas had driven off, his long suffering
Pimpmobile full to bursting with clothes and furniture for his new apartment.They’d exchanged goodbyes on the sidewalk. Dean
had so many things he wanted to say but he’d swallowed them down so Cas
wouldn’t hear the lump that was stuck in his throat.
“I’ll see you at
Christmas,” Cas had said, trying to smile at him.
Dean
wanted to remind him that he could call anytime he wanted, that they would
Facebook message every day, that Dean would be thinking about him…but instead
all he’d done was nod solemnly. Cas grinned at him like he understood and
opened his arms for a hug.
Dean was usually the one
who held back from physical contact but this time he’d surprised himself,
pulling Cas in tight, breathing him in for what promised to be the last time in
a long time. He’d patted Cas’s back, instead of burying his head against Cas’s
shoulder the way he wanted.
After a moment they’d
pulled away and Cas had given Dean that look he reserved for the times when he
knew Dean wanted to say something but wouldn’t. That look that
promised not to judge him, if Dean could only lend himself the same courtesy.
But Dean wasn’t that much of a dick. He might have been in love with his best
friend, and sure, he might not have admitted it to himself until the worst
possible moment, but he certainly wasn’t going to ruin this day for Cas. His
friend had a long day of driving ahead of him today, and yet another one
tomorrow. He didn’t need to spend it thinking about how Dean was a giant cry
baby who didn’t want him to leave. Cas had great opportunities waiting for him
at Stanford, with even greater people, of this Dean was sure.
So after they’d said
their goodbyes, as Cas was getting into his car, Dean had dropped his hand on
Cas’s shoulder. For a moment he searched for the right words that would
encompass everything he wanted to tell him.
That Cas was the best
friend he’d ever had. That Dean was proud of him. That he was loved. There was
nothing that could quite do the job, or at least nothing he could let himself say.
But Cas was looking up at him with those big guileless blue eyes and Dean had
to say something.
“Don’t ever change,” Dean
told him, annoyed by the way his voice grew rough with emotion.
He’d thought about that moment a million times
in the months that followed, going over it again and again and wishing he’d
done it differently. But now was not the time to dwell on the past, now was the
time to remember everything he’d ever read about picking locks.
Okay, I know this is hate, but Imma take a minute to rap on why I think it’s awesome! Because it’s AWESOME!
First of all, there are definitely similarities between Jack and Sam. It’s big and it’s deliberate. Lost mothers, potential for evil, powers they can’t always control or understand, blah blah, you get the idea.
Okay. Great. So, first of all, I’m glad this happened because we got to see Sam Winchester lose his fucking temper finally and for real at Dean. He never had the moment where he was able to say those things. Never able to tell his brother how badly it hurt him that both John and Dean kept a fucking bullet in their revolvers for him should he go darkside. And the thing that brought Dean back from the brink permanently, and not just until the dust had settled again?
Season 8, Episode 23:
Sam: “I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think
I need a chaperone, remember?“
Dean: “Come on, man, that’s not what I meant.”
Sam: “That’s exactly
what you meant. You wanna know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin
was? It was how many times I let you down. I can’t do that again. What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted again? And who are you gonna turn to
next time, instead of me? Another angel? Another… another vampire? Do you
have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother-”
Dean: "Just hold on.
You seriously think that? Because none of it – none of it – is true. Listen man, I know we’ve had our disagreements,
okay, hell, I know I’ve said some junk that’s set you back on your heels, but
Sam, come on. I killed Benny to save you. I’m willing to let this bastard, and
all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk
because of you! Don’t you dare think
that there is anything, past or
present that I would put in front of you. It’s never been like that, ever.
I need you to see that. I’m begging you.“
This was the turning point where Dean took his brother back. But, he’s not saying that Sam isn’t telling the truth. Because he is. Dean’s saying that he’ll take Sam over the other people/monsters he’s turned to. That he won’t become the things he hates because he can’t trust Sam.
And Sam felt, the whole time, like Dean would rather take any evil over Sam because Sam was the greater evil.
And that’s what’s happening with Jack. Or, that’s what could happen. Sam sees Dean treating Jack the same exact way that Dean treated him, only much more obviously and less passive-aggressively, and is telling Dean in no unclear terms that it’s not okay.
That Jack isn’t any more evil because of who he is than Sam was. That nature doesn’t determine nurture, because it didn’t for Sam. But Dean’s shut down completely, and won’t take the hard road while he’s unable and/or unwilling to start processing his grief. We may have seen him strike back at Sam with more emotion than he’s had the last 2 episodes, but he wasn’t angry in grief. He was simply reiterating the reasons he blamed Jack and was tired of telling Sam that. And probably also doesn’t understand why Sam doesn’t agree.
Now, Jack is going to bring back Castiel, not because Dean misses him, and not only because it’ll help clean the ledger a little bit so Dean won’t be so hostile towards him; he’s bringing back Castiel because that dead angel is the link to all of them, and the way that Sam and Dean talk about him, Castiel is the family’s mediator. The one who helps most resolve the conflict. Whether or not that’s actually true is beside the point right now, because Jack’s eked out that conclusion from how the brother’s have talked. Castiel is the one with the answers. The chips on the scale that will tip whether Jack will think of himself as evil or not.
So, do I think Jack is a Sam clone? No, I do not. But their similar stories are getting Sam the catharsis he’s been looking for the past five seasons, and Jack his place in existence.
I have to say, after this episode, I have never loved Sam more. He was perfection. Angry, empathetic, beautiful perfection.