Can you imagine – and I mean really imagine – what it
would actually be like to feel that first absolute thrill of love for Commander
Shepard? I’m not talking about the crush with the warm smile and silly
brush-off of, “nah, it’s just hero-worship,” or “maybe it’s just
the mood lighting in here.” I’m talking about the “we’ve kissed, made
time together, talked about something we actually enjoy, had coffee in the
Captain’s Cabin, and smiled at the same time in the same way,” thrill of
love. The kind of love that isn’t just temporary.

Long meta post under the cut. I have a lot of feelings about falling in love with Commander Shepard.

 Ashley Williams

The distinction comes to Ashley fairly quickly while
she’s in the shuttle bay, cleaning her assault rifle; her practiced movements
following to the cadence of one of her favorite poems. It’s one of those things
that she does so often that the words don’t always mean anything. They’re just
words marching to the pace her brain sets until her job is done. Her mind
rarely wanders on shift. But it does today. By the second verse, she’s
listening to the voice in her head. And she realizes that the words have
meaning again; more than they used to. An image of the commander comes into
focus when she closes her eyes during her recitation. It scares her. What will
people think if anything happened? Really happened beyond the casual dates?
They’d accuse her of sleeping her way up the ranks. Lucking out on getting on
the Normandy rather than earning it. Taking advantage of her situation. It hurts
a little, but a Williams doesn’t back down. She’s already called the Skipper
“Shepard.” She can’t back down from that anymore.

 Kaidan Alenko

Kaidan is yawning in the mess and drinking a cup of
stale, but warm, coffee while on the last shift. Shepard’s allowed him to take
graveyard because it’s quieter, and more missions mean more migraines. It’s a
bit of an adjustment, and he sees the commander less, which makes the thoughts
of Shepard manifest more. It’s the middle of his shift when his omni-tool blinks.
The message is short. Saw you rubbing your head earlier. Use my cabin to sleep
after your shift. That’s an order. Shepard’s learned quickly how to manipulate
Kaidan effortlessly with orders he can’t resist. Sleeping in a private cabin
will keep him out of the medbay later, but Kaidan never asks or presumes.
Shepard’s taking care of him in small, meaningful ways. It puts Kaidan off
balance during the best of times. He doesn’t get close to people, and wonders
if Shepard knows – really knows – how he feels. If it’s enough of an equal
partnership. If biotic barriers, covering boring expense reports, and fielding
calls that Shepard doesn’t want to take are equivalent to the generosity and
effortless openness he receives. Can he return that in equal measure? Can he
trust someone like Shepard with more than his back on the field? He’s not sure,
but he aches to.

 Liara T’Soni

Liara writes her feelings off as professional curiosity
for as long as she possibly can. She’s been fascinated with the commander for a
long time now. The connection to the Protheans, the beacons, everything. But it
becomes more than that. She doesn’t know much about human interaction, but she
can tell that Shepard is supportive of everyone. Always going out of the way to
make sure that their needs are met, as best as can be managed in a bad
situation. Willing to learn about all the species in Council space. Genuinely
interested to know about her and her work. Liara taps a note on her terminal,
asking for Shepard to meet her as soon as possible because she might have some
good information about the beacons. Shepard answers immediately, like Liara is
a priority despite everything else going on. Liara feels her whole body warm at
the thought, and even though Shepard never plays favorites, Liara still manages
to feel special.

Miranda Lawson

Miranda has a practical approach. Her mind doesn’t
wander. She doesn’t veer off on tangents when she talks. She doesn’t get
distracted. But she is. More and more. It doesn’t make her less efficient or
productive; it’s more like a fly buzzing around her head that she can ignore at
the best of times, but it’s late. She hasn’t slept enough and the buzzing just
gets louder. The commander had touched her hand and told her that she’s more
than what she’s made of. Not many people see beyond the burden of perfection –
not even her. But Shepard said it’s worth a look, and she believes that. More
than she wants to admit.

Tali’Zorah vas Neema

Tali at first thinks that one of her suit’s sensors has
malfunctioned. It’s suddenly too warm and then too cold. Then it’s nice until
she wonders, what if? What if it’s more than Shepard bargained for? What if the
commander doesn’t like the face behind the mask? The lack of… spontaneity
born by necessity. Clean rooms and sterile environments that don’t exactly
prove to be romantic. There’s no just being “in the mood” about it.
Everything about them adds more planning, more discussion, more practicality
and less unintentional. More head and less heart. It’s always been the way with
Quarians, but humans? Shepard? Is it too much to ask?

Jack

Jack thinks she has heartburn for a long time. Probably from
the swill Mess Sergeant Gardner keeps saying is food. But it’s not there all
the time. Only now and then, and there doesn’t seem to be a pattern. It makes
her scowl and scratch her arms like she’s been bitten by some persistent
mosquitos. It’s there when Shepard turns her down when she suggests that they
become pirates. It’s there during the late night talks that don’t go anywhere.
It’s there when Shepard turns over all of the Cerberus

Jacob Taylor

Jacob’s been ignoring the static in his comm for so long,
that he doesn’t know when everything turns. He knows for a fact that he and
Shepard won’t last forever. There’s no way, really. The admiration and mutual
respect is too clean and perfect. But it is what it is. He thinks he’s being
smart about the whole thing. He won’t overthink it or overdo it. But the
feeling happens, anyway. Shepard says that, sure, whatever he needs to finish
before the end if fine. He’ll have all the help he needs. Jacob’s so sure that
they won’t survive an actual suicide mission, that he’s content with his
feelings as they are. As they shake hands with warm smiles that linger a bit
too long before heading to the Omega Relay.

Garrus Vakarian

It’s all as natural as breathing to Garrus. The
battlefield camaraderie. The thrill of danger. The games and the challenges. He
knows that Shepard is something special beyond any human that he’s ever known.
Sure, their ideas differ quite a bit, but they equal out. He notices how well
they work on missions. There’s an effortless ebb and flow just like a
coordinated dance, and he has to admit that Shepard looks beautiful in a
firefight. It’s the best way that they communicate. He can’t stop himself from
being a fish out of water when the dance ends, and he’s always been a smooth
talker. So when the words abandon him and he’s left with nothing but his
calibrations and the memory of the commander’s knowing smirk, he feels
helpless. And incredible.

Thane Krios

The feeling is neither unexpected nor unwelcome. That’s
what happens with so much introspection. He spends hours between missions
thinking about Shepard. At first it’s all about gauging whether or not the
commander is worth following until the end of his days, because he knows that
it is what will likely happen. But when it starts to become familiar; thinking
about Shepard first during his meditations, he can’t stop the sadness he’s
always been able to let go of for anything else. He knows it’s doomed. He knows
Shepard knows. And yet, it doesn’t make a difference. The generous heart of
Shepard knows that the time they have is worthy of attention and more valuable
than the avoidance of heartbreak later. It makes him sad. And incredibly happy.

Samantha Traynor

It’s a shock just as large as the commander beating her
at chess. It happened the one time and it was both thrilling and completely
unexpected. There’s a look the commander gives her illuminated by the galaxy
map as Samantha runs tests on the newly installed upgrades. Shepard says the
ship has never run so well, and something in the expression wipes away all of
the discomfort she’s had up until now. It doesn’t matter that her bunk is small
and she can’t go two steps without literally running into someone. Shepard is
smiling at her and it’s just for her, private and broad, and it’s paradise.

Steve Cortez

It’s a true feeling of relief. Shepard has helped in a
million different ways when there was no reason to. Helped him over Robert,
helped him fitting in, helped him getting back out there. It’s selfless and
foolish. He knows that Shepard doesn’t have an ulterior motive. Not because the
commander is guileless, but because Shepard allows Steve to have as much space
as he wants. The whole damn galaxy if he asked for it. So, when Steve is
brushing his teeth in the Captain’s Cabin, while Shepard is below humming
lightly while pulling the covers down on the bed, Steve feels flushed and
relieved. Shepard can’t do everything and can’t heal him completely, but it’s a
start and it makes all the difference in the world when they’re at the end of
the world to find that oasis.