Please signal boost this if you know anyone who might need to hear it. I would be eternally grateful. Also, eternally happy if it was of use to even one person.

Hi. My name is JJ. I’m a 31 year old, bisexual cisgender female. Tonight I was thinking about a lot of things, and revisiting my thoughts on sexuality. And I want to share them mostly because I’ve often been told I have a gift with words, and it’s time I put those words to good use.

 I came out to my mom and dad when I was 14 or so. Some time right before I began high school. I told them I was a bisexual. Now, I don’t remember which of my parents said this to me, but I remember the words exactly because they have always stayed with me. One of them said, “well, if you can’t go completely to one side or the other, it’s not real. It’s just a phase.” Here’s why this statement is so important. I have gay family members. I won’t name them, but they make up my dad’s side, my mom’s, and both of my step parents. They are all of varying ages and genders. I was the first to come out openly to the whole family and refuse to be introduced as something like, “JJ and her close friend Jane.”

 What my parent(s) said was important because it’s how SO MANY people feel. Gay, straight, or otherwise. It’s important because bisexuals have been relegated, even in the queer community, to what people often call “bar lesbians” or “drunk queers.” There are thousands of tweets and facebook posts about drunk college girls making out with their same-gendered friends. There are blurred lines even when well-meaning people are exploring their sexuality to think that bisexuals are like them. They’re not gay, they’re just exploring.

 But here’s the thing. It’s not exploring for all of us. Plenty of us are simply gender blind. Personally, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if I’m touching breasts or a dick. What I care about is how that touch makes me FEEL. How connected I am to that person. And yes, how sexually attractive they are. But sexual attraction is more than being hot. More than being a man or a woman. It’s about a PERSON. If that person speaks to my core in a way that no one else in my life does, I will probably fall in love. That’s what love is. I simply don’t limit myself to gender. I find love in the entire human race.

 So, stop me if you’ve heard this one before as a bisexual: “I don’t want to date you because I’ll have too much competition.” Or this one: “bisexuals are too promiscuous. You’d just cheat on me when you got bored being with a man/woman.” How about this: “you just don’t know what you really want. You’re greedy.” Why are these common accusations important? Well, frankly, because there are people out there who claim to be bisexual but aren’t. Some are exploring and some are just finding out the limits of their sexuality. Most aren’t really bisexual and will indeed get bored. But an honest, comfortable bisexual won’t. They’ll love and lose the same as anyone else. They won’t leave because they want meat when all they’ve had is salad. They’ll leave for the same reasons as everyone else. Because the relationship has run its course.

 And, finally, why are these accusations NOT important? Because they’re not really about you. They’re about the ignorant person saying them who is refusing to see you for who you really are. They speak of low self-esteem, low confidence, and often times, selfishness. And that, my friend, is a person who is not worth a second of your time.

 But I can promise you this. You don’t have to hide from your sexuality. You can be a paragon of it and explain to your friends and family and anyone you feel safe with, about who you REALLY are. It may take many conversations and many relationships, but you’ll get somewhere. And when you do, you’ll have educated people who matter about what bisexuality is actually about. Rip away those stereotypes instead of sitting idly by. Today, I’m married to a man and I have a daughter (the Nerdler.) My husband never had any gay friends growing up (that he knew of.) He is heavily religious and small-town grown. But when I told him in the interest of full disclosure that I was bisexual, he said, “wow. It’s amazing you can see everyone the same way.” That, my friends, made him a keeper.

 So, you just keep on keeping on. JJ’s in your corner. I don’t care who you are or what your sexuality is. I think you ROCK for being who you are and refusing to be afraid of it. You’re worth more. You’re worth the whole damn world. Act like it and you’ll see what I’m talking about.