Tag: Anonymous

36 Destiel?

“We can never be together” kiss

D:

There are white sheets in the linen closet. Dean’s thankful for that in a horrible way. They’re starched neat and ironed. It’s fitting. Obscenely so. Dean clutches them to his chest, but is careful not to squeeze them too tightly and wrinkle them. He walks back towards the main room.

His palms are starting to sweat. He resists the urge to wipe them on the sheets. 

Kelly first, he thinks. It’s easier to look at her. He didn’t know her well, and when he did know her, he thought that she was wrong about everything. He’s not convinced her death has made him more charitable of thought.

Still, she deserves to rest in peace. He drapes her body carefully, batting away the creases against the pristine white. She wasn’t a hunter, but she’s earned their last rites. Dean doesn’t wanna know what will happen to her if any part of her is left for the taking.

Castiel… Cas… is a lot harder. For a long time, he can’t even bring himself to turn around. But the heavy weight behind him is something he can feel physically. It comforts him a little because it’s such a familiar sensation. He turns. Blinks. Casts his eyes down to the polished wood floor. He talks to hear his vice and have something else to focus on.

“Cas… man, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. You know that, right? If it had to be anyone… you don’t wanna hear me say it should’a been me, but it shouldn’t have been you.”

Carefully, tenderly, he begins to slide the sheet up Castiel’s body from the feet. “Was it always gonna come to this? Was this…? Nah, I don’t wanna think about it.”

He accidentally glances up and his eyes fall on Castiel’s face. He looks incongruously calm. He’d only seen Castiel sleep once or twice. He hadn’t looked this calm. “I, uh…” His throat closes. “All this should have been so different, Cas. I wish…” his voice cracks, so he lets it go.

Leans over. Clenches the sheets in his hands tightly, shaking. Presses his lips firmly to Castiel’s. Jerks back and yanks the sheet up with sounds of hurtful rage in his throat.

It’ll never be different.

Not in this lifetime.

Okay okay but I feel like we are all glossing over Sam’s reaction to Dean’s “We got Cas back, that’s a big win” META ON THIS PLEAAASEEEEE

Oh, for sure! Easy done, my friend! Sam looked like he was saying, “yeah, right. Having a win is what’s got you so worked up? It’s not the ‘big win’ making you happy. It’s having Cas back.” Seriously, why the hell else would he literally roll his eyes at his brother being energetic and happy again?

You don’t need to answer that because I’ll tell you: it’s because Sam didn’t really buy the “I’m happy because it’s a win and we’re going Dodge City.”

It makes sense why you like Jack now. He’s a Sam clone with the same damn tragic backstory!

Okay, I know this is hate, but Imma take a minute to rap on why I think it’s awesome! Because it’s AWESOME!

First of all, there are definitely similarities between Jack and Sam. It’s big and it’s deliberate. Lost mothers, potential for evil, powers they can’t always control or understand, blah blah, you get the idea.

Okay. Great. So, first of all, I’m glad this happened because we got to see Sam Winchester lose his fucking temper finally and for real at Dean. He never had the moment where he was able to say those things. Never able to tell his brother how badly it hurt him that both John and Dean kept a fucking bullet in their revolvers for him should he go darkside. And the thing that brought Dean back from the brink permanently, and not just until the dust had settled again?

image

Season 8, Episode 23:

Sam: “I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think
I need a chaperone, remember?“

Dean: “Come on, man, that’s not what I meant.”

Sam: “That’s exactly
what you meant. You wanna know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin
was? It was how many times I let you down. I can’t do that again. What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted
again? And who are you gonna turn to
next time, instead of me? Another angel? Another… another vampire? Do you
have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother-”

Dean: "Just hold on.
You seriously think that? Because none of it – none of it – is true. Listen man, I know we’ve had our disagreements,
okay, hell, I know I’ve said some junk that’s set you back on your heels, but
Sam, come on. I killed Benny to save you. I’m willing to let this bastard, and
all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk
because of you! Don’t you dare think
that there is anything, past or
present that I would put in front of you. It’s never been like that, ever.
I need you to see that. I’m begging you.“

This was the turning point where Dean took his brother back. But, he’s not saying that Sam isn’t telling the truth. Because he is. Dean’s saying that he’ll take Sam over the other people/monsters he’s turned to. That he won’t become the things he hates because he can’t trust Sam.

And Sam felt, the whole time, like Dean would rather take any evil over Sam because Sam was the greater evil.

And that’s what’s happening with Jack. Or, that’s what could happen. Sam sees Dean treating Jack the same exact way that Dean treated him, only much more obviously and less passive-aggressively, and is telling Dean in no unclear terms that it’s not okay.

That Jack isn’t any more evil because of who he is than Sam was. That nature doesn’t determine nurture, because it didn’t for Sam. But Dean’s shut down completely, and won’t take the hard road while he’s unable and/or unwilling to start processing his grief. We may have seen him strike back at Sam with more emotion than he’s had the last 2 episodes, but he wasn’t angry in grief. He was simply reiterating the reasons he blamed Jack and was tired of telling Sam that. And probably also doesn’t understand why Sam doesn’t agree.

Now, Jack is going to bring back Castiel, not because Dean misses him, and not only because it’ll help clean the ledger a little bit so Dean won’t be so hostile towards him; he’s bringing back Castiel because that dead angel is the link to all of them, and the way that Sam and Dean talk about him, Castiel is the family’s mediator. The one who helps most resolve the conflict. Whether or not that’s actually true is beside the point right now, because Jack’s eked out that conclusion from how the brother’s have talked. Castiel is the one with the answers. The chips on the scale that will tip whether Jack will think of himself as evil or not.

So, do I think Jack is a Sam clone? No, I do not. But their similar stories are getting Sam the catharsis he’s been looking for the past five seasons, and Jack his place in existence.

Do you have any advice for an aspiring writer who’s never finished anything ever?

Weeeeeeell, I suppose so? I mean, maybe not advice exactly, because I don’t know how you are or how you write. Without that, I can’t really advise you of anything. However, I can tell you some general things I do, and the way that I think that may help you.

I’m sure you’ve heard about a billion times that everything takes practice, so yeah, blah blah blah, all that. It’s true, so write as much as you possibly can, when you can, as often as you possibly can, and get that practice in. 

So, if you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that have published professionally, and I’ve also been a professional editor (though you wouldn’t know it the way I fail to edit my own fics hahahahaha). Also, I’ve been a writer since I learned how to spell and construct words at all. I’ve finished a LOT of stuff in those 30 years. 😀

But I didn’t publish my first work (original fiction) until about 8 years ago. And my first long fic was only maybe 6 years ago. And that’s because I was garbage at finishing anything at all.

And you are going to hate to hear this, but the only way you can finish anything at all is to finish the first thing. And you have to let it take as long as it takes. Otherwise you’ll burn out and stop before it’s done.

Two things have remained true for me about finishing projects. #1 You need to pace yourself and let it take perhaps years to finish your first project if it’s long. Don’t stress out by giving yourself some arbitrary time limit or huge, overwhelming goal. That’s bullshit. There’s no time limit except for however long you’re alive to write. That’s it. The first longer project you write could take ages. And that’s okay, because it’s the hardest. So, don’t write every day if you can’t, and don’t give yourself some standard, because if you haven’t finished anything before, you’ve got no baseline, anyway. Do your thing at your own pace and you’ll get there.

The #2 truth, is that once you finish that first thing, it all gets a lot quicker afterwards. The first finished project is a HUGE FUCKING hurdle! It’s intimidating. “How will I ever manage to write a NOVEL?” “How will I keep up?” “What if I lose interest?” “Shouldn’t writing always be fun?” “What if this is shitty and no one wants to read it?”

Any of those sound familiar? All those questions won’t get answered unless you keep at it. And until you do, and realize that you CAN do it, and have that proof, doing it can get bogged down with self-doubt. But then you do it and go, “wow, I CAN!” And the anxiety dissipates more so that the next project can take less time from worry, and eventually you get to a plateau where you can determine your average speed and things like that.

Lastly, and this is a TOTALLY personal thing that absolutely DOES NOT WORK for lots of people (and that’s completely fine!) is that when you worry about losing steam, switch to another project. Maybe something short, maybe just a drabble, maybe all those plot bunnies starting to take your interest and focus. I usually write 2 or more fics at a time and rotate between them chapter by chapter because I get bored of the same story after a while. I love writing it, but I need variety. And sometimes I get a new idea that consumes my interest, so I’ll write parts of that until I’ve scratched the itch and can return to the primary project. But, I know lots of people who can’t get their minds to flip flop between more than one idea at a time, and that’s fine, too. In which case, a good idea is to take a break and maybe read more. Or anything that takes your mind off the story so you can reboot.

Anyway, I hope that helped? I can’t really personalize any advice for you since I don’t know your writing habits, but hopefully some of this inspired you a bit? I do hope so! 😀