I have deleted a bunch of responses to this ask. Because.

I’m not equipped to deal with compliments like this. It’s just the nicest, most inspiring thing ever. I wish I could articulate my gratitude properly, but I’m actually crying?

So. Anyway, where’s this inspired smut I would very much like to read? 😀

I love everything about this, affirmation anon. And Life sure did bring my favorite cake this week. I forgive Life. I’ll give it a party hat and kazoo and show it what a good time it can have! :D:D:D:D

It does bother me, though. But not personally so much, anymore. What bothers me is that people get hate like I get all the time, and they end up giving the trolls exactly what they want by losing hope.

Every time I see someone making a post along the lines of, “stop sending hate/crit/negative comments because it makes me lose the desire to finish my story/post more art,” it’s giving the trolls exactly what they want. They don’t like what you do, and they want you to stop doing it. And frankly? I don’t want to stop doing what I’m doing.

Anon, it’s a lot of mental gymnastics to let the hate roll off. And, look, it’s not always easy. When I was in the ME fandom, I got some extremely disturbing hate messages that threatened both me and my daughter. Those I responded to. Privately. With a lawsuit. The same is true of the person in the SPN fandom who stole my fics and tried to sell them on Amazon as original fiction. The same is true of the person who reported my SPN works to the CW.

But I’ve been in fandoms for more than two decades now. I love most of the people I meet. I love to write, knit, make gifs, what have you. And I know that 1 sour apple can spoil 50 other good ones, but I’m too old and tired to care.

The bottom line is that I don’t want to stop creating fanworks. I just don’t. Writing brings me joy, catharsis, self-exploration, and yes, sometimes hate, but also undiluted adoration. Sometimes I get a comment that leaves me really low and uninspired to continue. But then a few days later, the pull is back, and the troll is vanquished because I love what I do, and I always want to do it.

It sucks that hate can be stronger than love. But the haters don’t get to tell me how to enjoy what I enjoy. They don’t get to determine my experience. And they certainly don’t get to take away my love.

I don’t know how to tell you how to get to where I am. I really wish that I could. It was just a combination of age, experience, exposure, and sheer tenacity. I hold onto my oasis of love and support and fandom really freaking hard. And at the end of the day, there is always more support than hate. Hate might be louder and have more impact, but in this one case, I consider quantity over quality. There’s more love. Plus, no one has to like my stuff. I like it, and that’s why I made it. I wish they’d be mature and move on if they don’t, but some people are immature and hateful, and that’s the world. I’ll delete their unimportant bullshit and move on.

It definitely took me a long time to master because it is a learned behavior, but as with everything else, practice makes perfect! And in the end, anon, I hope you can make stuff you’re happy with and find those oases to bask in just like I did. There’s always bad, but in most fandoms, there’s also so much good. Just like you. Just like me. 😀

IT IS TOTALLY COOL ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!!!!

I don’t think I know a single writer ever who would be all, “yeah, no, please don’t,” to have any art whatsoever to their fics! Me included. Someone taking the time and effort to make art from my art? So cool! It’s a huge compliment!

I commission specific art that I want from specific moments, but it’s not stepping on any toes for you or anyone to either create art for my fics that have art already, or ones that don’t. To be honest, most of the artists I commission don’t even read my fics, or plan to. It’s just a business transaction. XD I commission them because I like their art and think it’ll fit the mood I’m going for. That’s totally different than someone making something out of love! I’d be honored and flattered and I’d snot cry all over you.

Please create from my creation. It would be amazing! 😀

Thank you affirmation anon! I really needed to hear this!

Thank you, affirmation anon! This week has been up and down, but mostly up! All in all, I’m doing pretty darn good!

THANK YOU SO MUCH AFFIRMATION ANON!

I certainly agree that Gabriel was pretty shitty to Sam and Dean for quite some time, but let’s consider a couple things.

1) It’s been 8 years. We know from experience that Dean holds a grudge pretty damn hard. Sam can do the the same, but usually doesn’t. Sam forgives people and moves on most of the time. He’s willing to let people redeem themselves and go forward. That’s pretty part and parcel to his whole character, considering he thought of himself as unclean and cursed for a long time. But the Sam we have now is quite far removed from that. It’s important to his character, and something I love about him a lot. 

Gabriel has been out of the story for 8 years now. I think it does a huge disservice to Sam when the fans suggest that he shouldn’t do unto others as he did to himself. He forgave himself a lot, and we all supported that. Why shouldn’t he try to forgive other people, too?

2) Gabriel has PTSD out the ass. I’m assuming you saw the preview for 13.18, where we got another look at how badly Gabriel’s been literally tortured and violated for years. And no, I don’t think he deserved that. I don’t anyone deserves that. But I also don’t believe for a second that Gabriel is going to come back and be the shitheel that he was in season’s past. He can’t be.

So, Sam’s empathy is completely understandable to me. Gabriel’s been through a lot of punishment. What good would it do for Sam or Castiel or Dean to lay on more? He’s already broken. But he doesn’t need to stay that way. He shouldn’t.

Frankly, all these people bitching about Sam doing the wrong thing forgiving the former toxicity from eight years ago, doesn’t understand Sam Winchester in the least. Human beings forgive each other. Yes, there are some things that should never be forgiven, but remember: the world that Supernatural takes place in has literal world-ending plots. Sam and Dean have almost caused it more than once. They’ve done things that no one in our reality would forgive. Like, remember that time that Dean (while under the influence of the Mark of Cain, granted) shot and killed a kid? And yet, we still think he’s a good guy.

Sam having empathy and trying to help someone who has literally been driven out of his mind by torture is completely realistic. It’s what I love so much about Sam Winchester.

I think he’s doing the right thing.

LOL Brian, that is eight months away!!!! However, you make a good point.

Also, why am I Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?