Tag: Anonymous

hi! ive been following you for a long time and youre one of the few people i know on here who is older and you also give really good advice even not about mass effect. you also have a lot of friends. how do you keep friends? does it get easier when youre older? thank you for answering!

Hello, Nonny! First of all, I’m 33. T_T Is that really so old? My back hurts today, so I’m feeling pretty old. Eh. For the purposes of this ask, we can just say that it is! 😀 At any rate, I’m pretty pumped that you consider me to be something of a “trusted adult authority figure” or something. Honestly, I hope people of all ages feel safe here on my corner of Tumblr. But that’s beside the point!

So. Well. Friends. I do have plenty of friends and I always love making more. But the fact of the matter is, there are a lot of things to consider about making and maintaining friendships that last. And I’m not talking out my ass here, because not so terribly long ago, I was in a Situation where Many Stern Doctors informed me that I really needed to get rid of some toxic relationships, and instructed me on Healthy Relationships. And here’s what I figured out through mostly trial and error.

First. Quantity is not better than Quality. Put it this way. You ever been in a huge, crowded room, say… at a convention or concert or movie premiere by yourself? Surrounded by a sea of people and suddenly it struck you how fucking lonely you were? That’s friendship quantity. It’s 350 friends on Facebook, but only 10 comment on your posts, and it’s usually something stupid. If I sat down today and made a list of all my quality friends, I could probably count them on both hands. And only two of those people have known me since childhood.

It’s really important in this day and age, to realize that your worth is not measured by how many of anything you have, least of all friends. In the Age of Internet, it’s super easy to think that we don’t mean anything if a hundred people don’t like our posts, comment on our statuses, leave kudos, retweet our breakfast photos, whatever. You get my point here. I mean, if popularity is all you want, fine. But if you want people who you can actually talk to about stuff, then forget the numbers and focus on what you can say to whom. 

Second. It never gets easier. Making real friends takes real effort. And what I’m meaning to say here is, stop sitting on your ass and waiting for people to talk to you first. This shit is just as true offline as it is online. If you’re at Starbucks and see someone with a fandom shirt or awesome tattoo, SAY HELLO! One of my newest friends was made when this guy was walking by me, noticed my N7 hoodie, and commented on how rad it was. Same thing online. Send an ask. Make a comment. Make friends. Talk to people. And believe me, it doesn’t get less difficult sometimes. I grew up before cell phones and the internet, but I find just as much anxiety talking to people face-to-face for the first time as I do sending an email or message to someone new. But it’s also true that everyone else is just as nervous about sounding stupid to someone that they think might make a great friend. So, you can admire each other from afar, or send a note or say hello and see what happens. Your choice. But I find talking to people to be much more rewarding than simply stalking them silently online, personally.

Lastly. Don’t think people hate you for losing touch. And don’t feel bad when you have to lose touch, too. It’s a big, complicated life out there, and there’s this growing mentality that if you don’t answer a text in five seconds, or an email the minute you get it, then the sender will hate you and you’re a lousy friend. But that’s not the case at all. I think that one of the worst things about smartphones and constant internet access in our pockets and purses is that everything has to be immediate. There was a time, not so long ago, when if someone didn’t answer your call, you had to leave a message and just wait. There wasn’t email and texting, and you didn’t often feel ignored if it took a few hours or a day to hear back from them. That was just how it went. Look, everything can’t be Top Priority. Every contact you have can’t have your attention the second they ask for it. Sometimes they have to wait because you’ve got shit to do. You’re driving, eating, sleeping, bathing, working, any number of things that can be downright dangerous if you looked at your text and answered it. Instant gratification anxiety is something you need to get over, and if whoever in your life bothers you about it, then tell them to chill. You need time for you without worrying about who you’re ignoring. You can take a day off from your technology and interactions if you need to. It’s not healthy to wake up in the middle of the night because your text messenger pinged. It’s not healthy to be at everyone’s beck and call 24/7. And it’s okay to lose touch with people sometimes for a while if you need to. They won’t hate you, just like you shouldn’t worry that they hate you for doing the same thing. 

That’s about it. I’m sorry this took so long to answer. I had a lot to say and it got stuck in my draft folder while I contemplated my response. I hope it helps!

I was reading your Vanya/Ianto stuff. I really like it, but sometimes you have Ianto speak Japanese and say he lived in Japan and has a Japanese grandmother. Ianto looks slightly like a POC, but he’s clearly not Japanese. Isn’t this just a kind of cultural appropriation on your part?

I’m actually really glad you asked this question, Anon. It means I can address my opinion on what Tumblr sjw calls “cultural appropriation,” and also my thoughts on POC in Mass Effect. This got kind of long so the rest is under the read more.

See, basically, Tumblr sjw (as always) goes really overboard with their warped definition of “cultural appropriation.” They believe that anyone who is not of a culture, experiencing that culture in any way is cultural appropriation. Basically, Tumblr thinks that we should all be complete cultural isolationists. I’ve seen so many posts saying that no one should learn a second language and actually use it because that’s cultural appropriation. Uh, no. It’s not. It’s actually a show of respect to be able to communicate with someone in their own language.

And I say that to illustrate Ianto. He’s not Japanese. But yes, he is POC. You can tell by looking at him that he’s not 100% white. And, no, he’s not Japanese. And I say about him what I say about Kaidan Alenko. Just because he was born/lived in a foreign country DOES NOT MAKE HIM AUTOMATICALLY A POC! I do agree that Kaidan is a POC by his physical appearance in ME1, don’t get me wrong. But there’s no canon proof that his mother or father were actually Singaporean. All we know is that they lived there because there was an Alliance base there, and it’s where his father was stationed. So, saying that Kaidan is a POC because of his birth in Singapore, isn’t a proper argument. Just because you’re born somewhere doesn’t make you part of the people there. It only  means you were born there. And frankly, Kaidan, like my Ianto, don’t look Asian at all. I don’t think Kaidan’s POC roots come from Singapore. I don’t know where they do come from since it’s never mentioned in canon, but I don’t believe Kaidan is Asian. He and Ianto both just lived in Asian countries and their POC roots come from elsewhere.

Now. On to the more specifics of Ianto and your question. Ianto grew up in Japan since he was 2 years old, as I’ve mentioned in some of the drabbles. His mother is American and was stationed in Japan. His biological father left after he was born. In Japan, his mother met a Japanese man and married him. He adopted Ianto and raised him with his family. Ianto didn’t return to the US until he was in college for graduate school. He literally grew up in Japan. He speaks the language fluently, and even though he isn’t Japanese, he was raised straddling both cultures. The only father he ever knew and who was his adopted father, raising him since before he could talk in full sentences, is Japanese. So, is this cultural appropriation?

The answer is no. It’s not. Not even slightly. There’s a difference between appropriating a culture or a cultural practice “just for fun” and being raised with parts of the culture even though you’re not a part of it by birth. Or even learning about customs and language and engaging the people of that culture in a respectful way. Cultural appropriation is inherently disrespectful. It’s wearing a culture’s ceremonial dress as a Halloween costume or as a joke. Sharing language and learning about customs, cuisine, daily life, etc. is called broadening your horizons.

As far as Ianto is concerned, he’s spent more of his life growing up in Japan in Japanese schools with Japanese relatives than he has in the US. And that’s not uncommon for people in this day and age. He knows he’s not Japanese, but his father is. So he straddles the two cultures. Respects them both. Acts appropriately when in Japan or the US. The fact of the matter is, cultures blend. People marry other people of different cultures. They adopt from different cultures. It’s not appropriation to be more than your genetic legacy. It’s appropriation to take something from a culture and “put a new spin on it” or “do this because it seems cool.”  That’s what makes all the difference in the world. The mindset of the person and the reasons for their cultural exploration. 

And the reason I used Japan for Ianto is because it’s my second language and I lived there for a while.

I read Burn Down the Sky and your post about top/bottoms awhile back. Why don’t you like more steady roles in relationships with the male characters like Shepard and Kaidan? It’s sort of jarring for me when they switch in the fic.

I’m going to take this ask in the spirit of information and not try to send out any hate vibes or stoke a whole troll war or anything. I am truly trying to be as respectful as possible in addressing this ask. So PLEASE let me know if I fail and what problems you notice.

Okay, so what you’re asking is really why I’m not writing with “Yaoi Logic,” basically. I touched on this recently, I think, when talking about my BL days. I used to be really big into BL manga and stuff, and at their core, there were always strict heteronormative “male/female” roles, despite being M/M. That’s because they’re also put under the broader umbrella term, “lady comi,” meaning lady’s comics (obviously). Comics written for women and by women. They’re pure romantic fantasy porn. Which is fine, but it sure ain’t real. Critically speaking, yaoi is the same fetishistic fantasy that most straight romance novels are. I’ve read a lot of those in my time, too. It’s there for a mind-numbing wank-fest, but it’s nothing at all like the way the real world works. It exists for a good reason, but I don’t write pure women’s romance. I write what (I hope) is a more realistic representation of how real love usually works when thrown into the bedroom. Sure, I don’t tend to write smut that actually happens with startling regularity, like getting into it and realizing you’re too tired; thinking you’re in the mood but you’re not once you get going; yawning in the middle; laughing in the middle; breaking the ambiance, whatever else always happens. But I do know how relationships work and how sexual relationships really work.

And I’m gonna lay down the most real thing I’ve ever learned about sex. I’m going to bold and italicize it for you. In any sexual relationship, whether it is heteronormative or otherwise, if someone is always – REGARDLESS OF THEIR GENDER IDENTITY – passive or “female” and someone is always aggressive or “male,” YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! Learn that and love it in your life and in your writing. In fact, just because someone’s on bottom or “receiving” doesn’t for a second mean that they need to be passive. If you think so, then you’re working on some seriously outdated relationship rules. Of course, this does not apply in sub/dom or BDSM relationships. But those are built on a whole other set of dynamics and clear guidelines that I don’t think you’re asking about, so I won’t go into them.

Anyway, I’m obviously not the authority on male sexual relationships, since I’m female and have never been in a M/M relationship, but I have been in sexual relationships with most genders. And I’ve noticed that, no matter who I’m with, there are no set “passive” or “bottom” roles and no “aggressive” or “top” roles. That’s because sex like that all the time is boring as shit. Moods change. Sometimes you’re more worked up and sometimes you want to just lie back and let it happen. That’s real life.

I’ve never met anyone who always wanted to be a pitcher or receiver. And that’s because I’ve never met anyone who wanted the same damn sex all the time. Now, that’s not to say people don’t have preferences, because they do. Given ideal circumstances, you’re gonna have a favorite position, encounter, fantasy, fetish, whatever. But you’ll also have a lot of “this is really awesome, too” and on the flip side, “nah, I’d avoid that.” 

And on that note, it’s important to remember that being penetrated = / = being the “passive” one! That’s a foolish, ridiculous, misogynistic mindset. Watch some quality porn and tell me who’s being “passive.” Neither, is usually the truthful answer. “Girl on top” or in gay porn, “bottom on top” is not AT ALL passive. Just because they’re being penetrated means nothing at all  about who is in control. Ever. Get that out of your head. Sometimes, yes. It happens. A character (or you)  just want to be “taken” hard. Or “take.” And that’s fine. But the vast majority of the time, a healthy, consensual sexual relationship is, and should be, a mindset of “sharing is caring.” And why? Because that’s how it is when your clothes are on. It shouldn’t change when they’re off. AGAIN, this is disregarding sub/dom and BDSM relationships because scening and stuff is a carefully constructed time/place/occasion, and not (or rather, SHOULD NOT be) the same as random, everyday sexual encounters.

So, long story short, and I know I can get super ranty about this (I really just want you to know exactly where I’m coming from), is that I do what I do in fics because it’s more realistic. You have to balance real characters against unrealistic places or vice versa sometimes. And the focus of my stories is usually character development and interactions, rather than plot-driven. So I try my best to make them as realistic as possible, especially when they’re boning, though I usually avoid true-as-life false starts or unfinished business unless it helps the plot, because there are some things you don’t want to read about just as much as I don’t want to write about. Unless it’s funny. Or something the character would do so obviously that you wonder why they haven’t before. But that’s my opinion. And yes, someone asked before on another more “opinion” asks of mine about reblogging this, and you can if you like and it interests you. 😀

Prompt idea: College AU where the crew plays 7 minutes in heaven and mShep and Kaidan get shoved in the closet together (they have a crush on each other but the other doesn’t know it), bonus if their friends know :D

“Aren’t we too old for this?” Kaidan demanded, draining the rest of his drink from his red Solo cup.

“You’re never too old for fun. Stop acting old,” Ashley answered, shoving him forward to where the rest of the group was waiting expectantly. Including Kaidan’s lab partner, the bane of his existence, and captain of the rugby team. And hot. Very hot. Hilariously hot. Miles out of Kaidan’s engineering nerd league.

“College sucks,” Kaidan muttered to his best friend. “I’m not doing this. Not giving into peer pressure.”

“Yes, you are,” Ashley insisted, pushing him again. “This chance just fell into your gorgeous arms and you’re turning it down? Do me a favor and don’t, K. Shepard just chewed some mint gum. He’s ready and waiting. Go. And tell me everything afterwards. It’s the only way my jealousy won’t force me to hate you for the rest of my life.” A final shove sent Kaidan shuffling forward, every step making Shepard smile wider. Dammit. As much as Kaidan may have dreamed about doing something like this, he didn’t trust Shepard not to turn it into some big joke later.

But it was too late now. They were shoved into the large hall closet and the timer was set. For a moment, neither he nor Shepard moved, blinking rapidly in the darkness. “Soooo…” he ventured awkwardly. “Do you wanna just-”

Shepard’s mouth was on his in a flash. Kaidan’s first thought was that Ashley had been right about the gum. But since this was probably the last time in his life he’d be able to experience his heart’s wildest fantasy, he dove in, not caring about the teasing, or rumors, or anything else this foolish game would cost him. He pressed himself closer and tilted his head enough to get the most out of the contact. He felt Shepard’s hands sliding down his back to his ass, squeezing briefly and then retreating. But all time was already lost, and the door opened what felt like a single moment later. 

A round of cheers followed as Kaidan jerked away, flushed deep red. Without saying a word, Shepard squeezed Kaidan’s shoulder and exited the closet.

“How was it?” Ashley demanded, excitedly.

“Not sure,” Kaidan said, touching his lips lightly. “I’ve gotta… I gotta go.” He pushed past her, but Shepard had already left. “Dammit,” he whispered. He dug in his back pocket for his cell phone, fingers brushing a small piece of paper. Pulling it out, was a note scrawled in familiar terrible handwriting. Do you want to go out with me? Y/N? And a phone number written underneath. Kaidan smiled.

Anon is on crack. I’m so jealous because you’re an amazing writer and I wish I had as much talent, and as many awesome fans as you do. Your writing is in no way overrated.

Thank you so much, Anon! I really appreciate the support! I’m so glad that there are people like you who are supportive and defensive of my mad skills. ;D Meanies don’t usually bring me down on my normal days, but it’s still really good to have great support, too. It does so much more for my psyche than hate does. 😀

I think your writing is overrated. It’s so bland.

Thank you for your opinion, Anon. The thing is, I don’t really care. I like it just fine. I know I’ve got a lot to improve on, and don’t necessarily take as much time to perfect my fics, but I still think they’re good.

And please, whoever you are, refrain from hate. If you’ve got some sort of constructive criticism, I wouldn’t mind hearing it. I get it all the time. But this sort of comment serves no benefit at all. Trolling like this is lame. I also have a thick skin, so if your goal is to upset me, you won’t. Have a nice day. 😀

Who is your OTP? I can tell you like MShenko a lot and Cortega but you don’t freak about about them I guess? Who is your favorite character too? Are there any characters you get really excited about?

Okay, so I think I know where this ask is going, and I have a bit of trepidation about answering it, but I’ll go ahead carefully. Let me say I’m not trying to offend anyone with my answer, and you are all perfectly free to enjoy your OTP and favorite characters however you want to without any judgement from me.

All right. I think what you mean by me not “freaking out” about characters is that I don’t talk about them like “precious BB!” or “tiny son!” though I have used the “precious cinnamon roll” a couple of times. The thing is, my OTP is definitely m!Shenko. My favorite character is Kaidan Alenko, currently, to be followed very closely by Nathan Drake. I also adore Cortega, Cullrian, various Inquisitor pairings, Fenhawke, Destiel, so many more. I have a lot of intense feels about my OTP, and that’s why I love writing so many fanfics about them. 

It’s distasteful to me to infantalize characters, and that’s what it feels like to me when I see “precious tiny child, must be protected at all costs!” and “my little baby space husband” or whatever. But I say that to say this: I don’t care that other people talk about their favs that way. They can express their love in any way that they see fit.

It’s just not for me. Kaidan Alenko could kill me with a flick of his wrist and he’s mentally and physically together. I don’t need to protect him or think of him as childish or too good for this world. A lot of fans (with many exceptions, like the people I follow) in various fandoms I like, when they talk like the characters they love are babies, are also the same people who remove all of the character’s flaws and get angry when other people point out that perfection =/= flawless. But flawless = boring. A character isn’t “bad” just because they aren’t perfect. They’re “human” (or whatever race) because they’re imperfect. It doesn’t detract from the character’s worthiness of love. But a flawless character is both boring and unbelievable. No one is without flaws, some very serious ones.

Whether we’re talking about space marines or Inquisition soldiers or treasure hunters, or superheroes, these are (most of the time) grown people with a lot of glorious flaws, weaknesses, strengths, and I prefer to think of them that way as they handle their own shit and get things done. I don’t want to wrap them up in cotton wool and shield them from the world. Of course, I understand the instinct to wish to protect them from everything they’ve been through, and am not leveling judgement on the fans who do. But if you’ve read my fics, you probably know I don’t write fluff. I do write happy endings most frequently, but everything’s earned, and I like the characters have their same flaws and drawbacks and strengths and hopes and shore each other up like they do in their games/shows/movies/comics, whatever. 

I guess, long story short, I get excited about a lot of characters and ships. I’m just more low-key when expressing my excitement. To each his own, really. I’ve been known to shout in all caps about things, but not as much as other people. Which is all good! Everyone should express their love in their own way without fear of trolls or hate. As long as we’re supportive of other respectful fans, it’s all the same to me.

i know you love kaidan a lot so i want to know why? i don’t want to make this a character hate post but after ME2 and the way he spoke to shepard, i didn’t like him again. he didn’t trust shepard and wouldn’t listen to reason. why forgive him? i want to like him because he’s sweet.

Well, let me ask you this then, Nonny. What’s there to trust? Nothing.

I know a lot of butthurt about Kaidan comes from the Horizon encounter in ME2, but here’s the thing. Kaidan shouldn’t trust Shepard. At. All. That’s the whole point. I know that you, like most players, love Shepard and know their motivations and why they’re doing what they do, but a self-centered reaction to the encounter not only leaves you, as the player, with the wrong take-away from the scene, but also less love for Kaidan – and Ashley – in general. 

But let’s look at the reality from Kaidan’s pov. First of all, Shepard’s been dead for 2 years and shows up out of the blue in a Cerberus ship with a Cerberus crew. And since ME1, you have known that Cerberus does horrific things. They torture, experiment on humans and aliens alike, kill lots of people, and generally do A Lot of Bad Shit. How would you react to that? Probably exactly like Kaidan did. You’d remember the experiments Cerberus did and think that they’d either cloned Shepard, which they DO in ME3, or that it’s some sort of ploy to take down people in the Alliance. And those are valid concerns. Cerberus is a certified terrorist organization, and Kaidan’s supposed to take it on faith that Shepard says something lame like, “oh, right, I’m not working for them, they’re working for me.” No thank you.

There is no reason for Kaidan, or anyone who knew Shepard, to believe what they say and trust that it’s real. If someone has no proof of their 2 year gap, no real explanation, and in bed with the Illusive Man, the smart people would run the hell away. Like Kaidan. Like Ashley. Sure, at the beginning of the encounter, Kaidan is surprised and relieved more than anything to see the Commander again, but then reality sets in and he realizes, “this could be a big, fat, cruel trap.” Which is the best and most natural reaction, given all the other factors he’s presented with.

And look, as the player of Shepard, you are supposed to feel a bit betrayed that Kaidan doesn’t trust you, but later on when the commander is talking to squad mates about it, they admit it’s a bit much to swallow after what they know about Cerberus. And Shepard doesn’t trust Cerberus or the missions, either. So, basically you and Kaidan are on the same page as far as Cerberus is concerned. It’s just that Kaidan can’t always sell his soul to the devil to justify the means to the end. He says, “the way a thing goes down matters. Later, when you have to live with yourself.” Integrity is so important to him. And it should be. He’s the voice of steady reason throughout the trilogy, and there is no reason to hate Kaidan because he won’t sacrifice his honor and integrity for anything. Because he believes there’s a better way. And so does Shepard. That’s why the commander leaves Cerberus after getting screwed over constantly by the Illusive Man. Shepard agrees with Kaidan in the end. Turns themself into the Alliance and goes to jail to make amends.

So, no, I don’t agree with people who dislike Kaidan because of Horizon. But as a gamer, I don’t need every other character to agree with and stand behind sketchy decisions completely on faith. It would have been nice for Kaidan to give the benefit of the doubt, but it also would have been a foolish move. And Kaidan’s smart and cautious. He doesn’t know what you know about what’s going on, and if you think about his situation for a minute, you really do come to understand that what he did was right and smart. 

Don’t expect everyone to always have your back in games like these. You’ve become a terrorist and unknown entity until Kaidan can suss out the details in ME3. Once Shepard proves they can be trusted. And the fact that he doesn’t take anything on blind faith is a good thing. It means his commitment is there when you earn it back. There’s a reason that once he’s with the commander, he’s loyal and you never have to do anything to keep that loyalty like all the other loyalty missions for other characters. That speaks volumes to his awesome character.